New Years Eve 2012. A good time for reflection and resolve. I’m not making New Years Resolutions – I never keep them. That’s one of the reasons I’m glad I’ve started on this journey already. It’s not a New Years resolution if I started it in December is it?
In one of the Facebook groups, members were asked what are you most proud of in 2012. So many people had inspiring stories of the fabulous things they have achieved as a result of the 12wbt. It got me thinking and I really struggled. The biggest thing to happen to me this year was a 4 month trip of a lifetime around South America and Antarctica. Am I “proud” of the travelling I did this year… kind of I guess. I’m proud that I saved up and paid for it in advance so I didn’t come home to massive cc debt but that’s about it. Don’t get me wrong I enjoyed it IMMENSELY (best trip of my life and to anyone who gets the chance to travel to Antarctica I say grab it with both hands and do it! It’s an amazing place) but I’m not proud of anything I did while I was away. I had to decline an invite to march in the Sambadrome parade at Carnavale because I was too fat for the costume. I didn’t sign up for kayaking in Antarctica because it was supposed to be for experienced kayakers and I was too chicken/embarrassed/lazy/unfit to gain experience before I left. I didn’t do the Inca trail to Macchu Picchu because I was too fat/lazy/unfit/worried about embarrassing myself/worried about being too much slower than everyone else IF I could even complete it. Whilst I still saw the amazing sites of Macchu Picchu and Antarctica (and suffered from altitude sickness so may not have been able to do the hike anyway), I do regret that these were decisions I made before the trip as a direct result of the extra 30+ kilos I’m carrying. I didn’t make the decisions due to cost or time or illness or anything else outside my control. I made them because I have allowed myself to become so unhealthy (both mentally and physically) that I couldn’t do them. My weight has been stopping me from enjoying life to the fullest for too long.
There is something I am proud of though. I’m proud that I finally got up the courage to join the 12wbt instead of making excuses until I miss the cut off date as I’ve done in the past. For that I have to thank Casey who won Round 3. Her before and after photos, as well as her positive attitude and resilience with dealing with the morons who inevitably spout there negativity on public photos really inspired me.
I’m proud that I have started making changes in my life already. I’ve done more exercise in the last couple of weeks than I have done in the last year! I’ve started thinking about what I put into my body. Yes I still go over the 1200 calorie limit but that’s not every day. Most days I’m managing to stay between 1100 and 1300. I don’t worry too much about the days I go over. After all, I’m taking things slowly. Easing myself into it. I’ve gone at it like a bull at a gate in the past and whilst its full steam ahead for a week or so I soon run out of puff. This isn’t a diet for me. I’m changing my habits. The habits of a lifetime. I’m forming new, healthier habits. These things take time. I know I’m going to have to throw out non approved food at the start of the round, and I know that the frugal “waste not want not” part of me is going to scream at this, so I’ve started taking baby steps. If I have something that’s not 100% “clean food”, I work it into my calorie count, and once it’s gone it’s not replaced. eg. I used to love fish finger sandwiches on fresh white bread. To use them up I now grill a few and have them with salad. No bread. Surprisingly enough I even enjoyed them that way. That way the meal was only around 350 calories, and the fish fingers got used up. I won’t be buying them again most likely. Little steps I know, but they are little steps in the right direction.
I’m still learning how to deal with red flag days though. I’m heading to a party tonight. We are going early so as to avoid road closures and parking issues. There’s no substantial meal being served (only fingerfood) and we are set to arrive between 5 and 5.30. I HATE eating dinner that early. So how am I going to deal with this? (another positive change – I’ve actually thought about how I’m going to deal with it in advance!) Firstly I’m driving. Admittedly that’s works decision more than mine (I’m on call), but hey it works. I make better food choices when I’m sober, plus I wont have all the extra calories in alcohol. I’m taking some diet mineral water for when I feel like drinking something other than water. I will allow myself 1 glass of champagne to toast at midnight. I started the day with a walk to burn off a few extra calories. 360 cal gone before breakfast, and that doesn’t count the walk up to the shops and back later in the day. Yesterday I did Michelle Bridges’ toning dvd and must have done something right because I feel my muscles today (particularly the big ones like quads and glutes). Repairing and building muscles burns calories. I’m making sure I eat low cal all day before the party, and spacing my meals so that I have a late, high protein, filling lunch before I go. I’m hoping that will help me limit what I put in my mouth tonight. I will position myself AWAY from the food table and particularly and dips at the party. If I want something I’m going to have to make a conscious effort to walk over to the table and get it. I will walk to the table and back for each and every morsel. No grabbing a few. If I try the dip, I will use chopped up veggies and not crackers and I will make sure that I at least alternate between veggies with dip and veggies on their own.
They are my strategies for this evening. It’s not perfect, but I think it should help me get through the night without a total blowout. It should also leave me feeling good enough to get up in the morning and burn off a few more of those extra calories I will be consuming.
I’d like to raise a toast to all of us: Here is to a Happy and Healthy 2013. May we all continue to support and inspire each other, be successful in reaching our goals, and perhaps even surprise ourselves with what we can achieve. And for me – may I never again let my weight hold me back.