I was a “lucky” kid in that I could eat whatever I wanted and never put on weight. I was warned that one day it would come back to bite me as I ate like a horse. Food in my house was both reward and punishment. My mum faced her own battles with weight. I had chubby siblings. I thought I was invincible though. I was the one in the family that wasn’t fat. Then I hit puberty. I grew curves and lots of them. My best friends didnt. At 52kgs I thought I was fat. (oh how I’d love to be in the 50’s now… or even the 60s. First step is to get down to the 80s). I tried not eating much at all (Year 12 consisted of eating one meal a day – if that). It didnt work. I was still bigger than my friends. I remember my first real boyfriend standing me naked in front of a mirror telling me I was beautiful while I sobbed and wondered how anyone could want me at all. In the end I gave up. I gave up on myself. I went back to eating anything and everything but at the same time started living a more sedentary lifestyle. I ballooned and ballooned big time. Every now and then I’d try something for a short time (eg Israeli army diet 6kgs lost in a week and put back on in 2 days when started eating “normally” again., Sureslim where I lost a bunch of weight but was feeling deprived, headachy and miserable the whole time). Each time I had a small success it would soon be overshadowed by putting on even more than I’d lost originally. Well I’ve finally had enough. I’m 39 years old. I do NOT want to be fat and 40. I want to look, and more importantly FEEL fabulous. I want to love myse;f so that others might love me too. This time I’m going for a total package – Healthy eating AND exercise AND mindset. I’ve seen the Michelle Bridges 12WBT on facebook and I’ve seen the success people have had on it.
The person who really inspired me to finally sign up though was girl I’ve never met, who won Round 3 of the program. her name is Casey and when I looked at her “before” photos I saw myself. She looks FANTASTIC now, and I really hope I can have the same sort of success she has.
Exercise is not something I’ve ever really enjoyed but I’m determined to find forms I do like and to JFDI (love that expression but do tend to use the expletive version) for the other ones. We are only in warm up phase at the moment and there’s a few weeks to go before we get access to the recipes and exercise programs but I’m feeling really motivated and inspired. I’m not waiting for the official kick off – I’m starting now! ‘ve armed myself with the Crunchtime cookbook to try some of Michelle’s recipes before the round. Am hoping the food is good as I do love to eat… I just want to learn to love to eat healthier foods.
Today I actually laughed when I got on the scales…. 1.2kgs lost this week. And thats just from making small changes such as trying a few of Michelles recipes from her book, taking lunch to work instead of buying crap and trying to make healthier choices when I do go out. If I can have that kind of success with that little effort I’m really excited about the changes that will come when I start the program in full. I’ve got an overseas trip booked that coincides with the end of Round 1 and I’m really looking forward to being fitter and slimmer for it. I’m hoping not to be the “fat one” out of the group of friends that I’m travelling with. On my last trip people made all sorts of assumptions about me because I was fat and I also let it hold me back from some things. I got altitude sickness but people just assumed I was fat and unfit instead of lacking in oxygen. I was the last girl chosen as a partner during tango lessons etc etc etc. Well no more. This is the start of a new me… well maybe not a new me, maybe just finding the real me that I’ve kept hidden under layers and layers for too long. I want to find the PJ that’s happy and confident in her own skin. That believes she is worthy of being treated with respect AND TREATS HERSELF WITH RESPECT. This is the beginning of my journey. I’m going to use this thread to track my progress emotionally and physically. I vow to be 100% honest with myself even if I don’t like the truth. If I don’t like it I will do whatever is in my power to change it and I DO have that power.
On 29th November 2012 I weighed in at 98kgs at 156cm tall. Im too fat dense to get a % reading off my scales. BMI 40.3
Today (19Dec) I weighed in at 96.2kgs. BMI 39.5. I have started. Emotionally this week is up and down. I’m struggling with a lot of issues at work (personality conflicts and politics mainly). I’m hating being single at this time of year and so I have come close to allowing others to take advantage of that (to the point where I almost compromised my own morals). Believe it or not that little victory on the scales this morning has really helped. I’m on the way. I’m making changes. I CAN do this. I CAN change the habits of a lifetime. I DO DESERVE THIS.
Goal for end of Preseason: 95kgs.
Goal for end of Round 1: 80kgs.
Ultimate goal: to be happy, fit and healthy at around 60kgs. (actual number may be adjusted downwards depending on how I feel when I get there)
*NOTE*:- when I started this journey I did not have the confidence to post my blog publicly, so kept it on the 12WBT forums so that only others on the same journey as me could read them. Through this program I have gained confidence so am now making my blog public. I have copied my older posts from the blog forum into here with some minimal editing.