Today was always going to be hard for me. As a bit of background… my Nanna is in a lowcare nursing facility which means they cook her meals, clean her room and do most of her washing (as long as the fabric can handle an industrial washer and dryer). Her medical appointments, shopping etc is expected to be taken care of by family. She is my mother’s mum but my mum wont have anything to do with her (or the rest of us but thats a whole other story). As I am the only one of my siblings (I have 2 brothers and a sister) that isnt married it is expected (by nanna) that I am the only one with the time to attend to her needs. I do work full time, but it’s shift work so it is easier for me than for my brothers who work the 9-5 Monday to Friday bit. My sister doesn’t work, but she has children (even though they both go to school) so my nanna wouldn’t think of asking her.
Anyway, so its up to me to chauffeur nanna to her numerous doctors and specialists appointments as well as taking her shopping etc. Today was the regular (every 4 weeks) GP and Coles visit. I need to be available for work from noon on these days so we make the GP appointment for first thing in the morning (usually 9ish) and then fit the shopping in, giving me just enough time after dropping her off again to get to work by 12 (usually grabbing a takeaway on the way).
Today I had a later start at work so had arranged to meet a colleague for lunch. We often do this if we get a chance to, and it usually involves a seafood feast, or burger and chips / wrap and chips with a couple of glasses of wine.
Previously this would have been a disaster day for me food/exercise wise. I used the morning commitments with my nanna as an excuse to skip exercising, and the lunch with a friend as an excuse to pig out. Things are changing within me though. I actually set my alarm for 6.30am (yes me who HATES early mornings) so that I had time to go for a good walk, breakfast and shower etc before picking up Nanna at 8.30. What’s more, I didn’t hit the snooze button when the alarm went off even though I had had trouble getting to sleep last night. I got up, scoffed down a couple of strawberries to start my metabolism, strapped up the blisters, donned the HRM, turned on the MapMyFitness, stuck the iphone in the pocket and headed out the door. 43 minutes and 5.2km later I had burned 309 calories and was feeling pretty pleased with myself while I ate a healthy breakfast.
I was hoping the endorphins would help give me a little more patience and tolerance with nanna (she can be “challenging”) but unfortunately no luck there. At least though I didn’t have the added resentment of missing out on a workout because of her. So success there
I met up with my colleague and we went to one of our usual haunts – a rowing club that makes really nice wraps – served with chips. On the drive over though I found myself on the MyFitnessPal app (yes I do love apps hehehe) checking out calorie counts. I knew my usual favourite wrap (the chicken Caesar) would put me way up, so I made the decision that I would have the Thai Beef Salad wrap instead and that I would ask for no chips on the plate at all. I know myself well enough to know that if they were on the plate I would have eaten one.. and if I ate one I would eat the lot. I also worked out that if I had one of Michelle’s recipes for dinner and didn’t have an afternoon snack that I could have one glass of white wine and stay under my calorie count for the day. I know nutritionally wine is crap, but I wanted one, so I made that choice.
That was successful. I didn’t pick any chips off my friend’s plate. I thoroughly enjoyed my Thai beef salad wrap and one glass of wine. Again I was feeling pretty pleased with myself.
I’ve now been put “on call” for the afternoon. This means I don’t have to go to work, but do have to stay close to the phone and be prepared to go straight in if required. I’ve done a couple of things around the house I wanted to do. I’ve done my 60 Squat-a-thon squats for the day. I know that the likelihood of getting called in to work now is pretty low and that I could go for another walk, or put on a DVD and do a workout but I just couldn’t be bothered. I just feel like slothing on the couch. I’m tired and have no energy. I don’t know if I’m starting to self sabotage or if I just need a rest (TTOM too which doesnt help)… or maybe its the glass of wine affecting me more than usual because I haven’t had any alcohol in a couple of weeks. I’m a little scared that I’m feeling so flat. I don’t even feel like diving into the forums and looking for people who need help. hmmmm
I’m also feeling a little apprehensive as I have booked in for a dexascan tomorrow morning and I know the results will be upsetting. I have to keep reminding myself that I am doing this so I can see where I am starting from and so that down the track when I get another one I can compare them and see how much progress I have made. Will also have to motivate myself to plan my day tomorrow so that I can fit another walk or workout in… maybe I will catch the bus into the scan and walk home…at least it will give me time to digest the results without me being able to distract myself.
Anyway sorry for the rambling flat entry today. It’s just how I am feeling. I hope you are all feeling much more “up” and motivated.