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No More Excuses

I watched the first preseason task video with interest. At the beginning I thought, “wow this will be easy. I’ve already done this” and in part I had. I’d started thinking about excuses when someone posted a thread about it on the forums a couple of weeks ago. I’d only dealt with the surface excuses though. The easy ones to identify if you will. The ones Mish calls “external excuses that are under my control”. I hadn’t dealt with my internal dialogue. In all honesty I’ve just tried to press mute on that internal dialogue over the last few weeks and just tried to get on with things. Watching the video though (and yes there were a couple more tears – I am a crier) I realised that unless I actually acknowledge and dealt with that internal dialogue it will always be there, playing in my head and even on mute I can lip read pretty well. So it’s time to find the STOP button, take that recording, out, DESTROY IT so I can’t accidentally put it back on the play list, and replace it with a new recording.

With that in mind, I grabbed a notebook and a pen and set about writing down the excuses as Mish asked. I was about to start listing them though when I stopped. I didn’t want to just write them down in their negative form as writing things down for me gives them more weight and power. I didn’t want to distort them either by flipping each one into a positive statement. I wanted to own them in all their negativity… plus I wasn’t 100% sure what would come up when I started writing so I wasn’t sure I would be able to flip each one. Instead I decided to top the page with a promise/commitment to myself and then list them underneath. This is what I cam up with:

NO MORE EXCUSES (big angry underlines)
I will no longer accept the following excuses or any others like them from myself. I will no longer allow them to stop me from becoming the best that I can be.

– It’s raining
– it’s too hot / cold
– I’m too tired (this is my most common one)
– It’s too hard to work around unpredictable shifts. I can’t get into any regular habits.
– I can’t afford it
– People will laugh at me
– I’m too far gone – it’s impossible to lose it al.
– It’s not affecting my health so I don’t need to lose weight. (it’s true I don’t have any of the expected health problems associated with being morbidly obese eg diabetes, liver function, blood pressure, cholesterol etc. … YET. But being fat and unfit IS affecting my life so why wait for it to affect my health?)
– It’s too hard
– I don’t like exercise. I don’t get the endorphins rush everyone seems to talk about
– I don’t want to deprive myself (of foods I like… but I seem quite happy to deprive myself from living a full and active life??? WTF???)
– I don’t want to be “different” and not eat / drink the same things as everyone else
– Being fat runs in my family. I can’t control it. (funny no one else in my family except maybe my mother is anywhere near as big as me)
– If I lose weight I will have all that saggy skin which is just as ugly. (In truth this still scares me. But I’ve decided to deal with it when the problem arises. I’ll sacrifice something else in order to have the operation to remove it if necessary)
– My boobs are too big for running/jumping even in a good sports bra.
– I’m not worth it (OUCH!!!)
– Right now I can say guys don’t want me because I’m fat and fat is ugly. I’m scared that if I’m not fat, still no one will want me and I’ll have to face the fact that it is me that is ugly, or that I am not a nice enough person for anyone to love. The fat is my protection (this one still makes me cry)
– I have a slow metabolism.
– I’ve tried losing weight before and it always comes back with interest.
– I don’t like salads (wow I even lie to myself. I do like some salads!)
– It’s too hard to plan healthy meals when my work hours are unpredictable.
– I’m not a morning person
– I look stupid when I exercise
– I’m too unfit
– It just doesn’t work on my body. Not everyone is built to be skinny.
– I’d rather do something else than exercise.
-They (the ones who have lost weight) have support. I don’t. (nice slap in the face to my amazing brothers and sisters in law there!)
– I don’t want to fail, so why try?
– When I’m hungry I don’t have time to prepare a meal I need to eat NOW or else I get headaches, nausea and cant eat at all.
– I’ll do it later.
– I don’t want to be on a diet when X event is coming up

Looking back over my list I realised a few things. A lot of these excuses apply to other areas of my life – not just my weight. The tidiness and cleanliness of my flat for example. I avoid it if I’m avoiding facing some aspect of my life. Its like I don’t feel I deserve to live in a nice environment when I’m thinking about doing something wrong or seeing someone I know I shouldn’t. The flat gets messy so I can’t have people over when I don’t feel up to socialising. I come up with an awful lot of BS to not do what I know I should, and that a lot of my excuses can be overcome with a little planning and preparation… and I’m really not very nice to myself… and I’m scared. I’m really scared of what my life will be like when this weight that protects me is gone. I’m scared of being alone and I’m scared that being the best I can be still wont be good enough. For whom? I don’t know. All I know is that there is a lot of fear. I never realised how afraid I really am. I know its silly but I can’t help it. It’s sitting there in a tight little ball in my gut right now. It’s fear that made me want to turn Michelle’s video off the minute she started talking about getting real. It’s fear that wanted to put off doing the task because I couldn’t find the particular notebook I wanted to write it in. Fear is pretty powerful. I don’t want to be afraid any more so I am going to try and face my fears.

I watched the first preseason task video with interest. At the beginning I thought, “wow this will be easy. I’ve already done this” and in part I had. I’d started thinking about excuses when someone posted a thread about it on the forums a couple of weeks ago. I’d only dealt with the surface excuses though. The easy ones to identify if you will. The ones Mish calls “external excuses that are under my control”. I hadn’t dealt with my internal dialogue. In all honesty I’ve just tried to press mute on that internal dialogue over the last few weeks and just tried to get on with things. Watching the video though (and yes there were a couple more tears – I am a crier) I realised that unless I actually acknowledge and dealt with that internal dialogue it will always be there, playing in my head and even on mute I can lip read pretty well. So it’s time to find the STOP button, take that recording, out, DESTROY IT so I can’t accidentally put it back on the play list, and replace it with a new recording.

With that in mind, I grabbed a notebook and a pen and set about writing down the excuses as Mish asked. I was about to start listing them though when I stopped. I didn’t want to just write them down in their negative form as writing things down for me gives them more weight and power. I didn’t want to distort them either by flipping each one into a positive statement. I wanted to own them in all their negativity… plus I wasn’t 100% sure what would come up when I started writing so I wasn’t sure I would be able to flip each one. Instead I decided to top the page with a promise/commitment to myself and then list them underneath. This is what I cam up with:

NO MORE EXCUSES (big angry underlines)
I will no longer accept the following excuses or any others like them from myself. I will no longer allow them to stop me from becoming the best that I can be.

– It’s raining
– it’s too hot / cold
– I’m too tired (this is my most common one)
– It’s too hard to work around unpredictable shifts. I can’t get into any regular habits.
– I can’t afford it
– People will laugh at me
– I’m too far gone – it’s impossible to lose it al.
– It’s not affecting my health so I don’t need to lose weight. (it’s true I don’t have any of the expected health problems associated with being morbidly obese eg diabetes, liver function, blood pressure, cholesterol etc. … YET. But being fat and unfit IS affecting my life so why wait for it to affect my health?)
– It’s too hard
– I don’t like exercise. I don’t get the endorphins rush everyone seems to talk about
– I don’t want to deprive myself (of foods I like… but I seem quite happy to deprive myself from living a full and active life??? WTF???)
– I don’t want to be “different” and not eat / drink the same things as everyone else
– Being fat runs in my family. I can’t control it. (funny no one else in my family except maybe my mother is anywhere near as big as me)
– If I lose weight I will have all that saggy skin which is just as ugly. (In truth this still scares me. But I’ve decided to deal with it when the problem arises. I’ll sacrifice something else in order to have the operation to remove it if necessary)
– My boobs are too big for running/jumping even in a good sports bra.
– I’m not worth it (OUCH!!!)
– Right now I can say guys don’t want me because I’m fat and fat is ugly. I’m scared that if I’m not fat, still no one will want me and I’ll have to face the fact that it is me that is ugly, or that I am not a nice enough person for anyone to love. The fat is my protection (this one still makes me cry)
– I have a slow metabolism.
– I’ve tried losing weight before and it always comes back with interest.
– I don’t like salads (wow I even lie to myself. I do like some salads!)
– It’s too hard to plan healthy meals when my work hours are unpredictable.
– I’m not a morning person
– I look stupid when I exercise
– I’m too unfit
– It just doesn’t work on my body. Not everyone is built to be skinny.
– I’d rather do something else than exercise.
-They (the ones who have lost weight) have support. I don’t. (nice slap in the face to my amazing brothers there!)
– I don’t want to fail, so why try?
– When I’m hungry I don’t have time to prepare a meal I need to eat NOW or else I get headaches, nausea and cant eat at all.
– I’ll do it later.
– I don’t want to be on a diet when X event is coming up

Looking back over my list I realised a few things. A lot of these excuses apply to other areas of my life – not just my weight. The tidiness and cleanliness of my flat for example. I avoid it if I’m avoiding facing some aspect of my life. Its like I don’t feel I deserve to live in a nice environment when I’m thinking about doing something wrong or seeing someone I know I shouldn’t. The flat gets messy so i can’t have people over when I don’t feel up to socialising. I come up with an awful lot of BS to not do what I know I should, and that a lot of my excuses can be overcome with a little planning and preparation… and I’m really not very nice to myself… and I’m scared. I’m really scared of what my life will be like when this weight that protects me is gone. I’m scared of being alone and I’m scared that being the best I can be still wont be good enough. For whom? I don’t know. All I know is that there is a lot of fear. I never realised how afraid I really am. I know its silly but I can’t help it. It’s sitting there in a tight little ball in my gut right now. It’s fear that made me want to turn Michelle’s video off the minute she started talking about getting real. It’s fear that wanted to put off doing the task because I couldn’t find the particular notebook I wanted to write it in. Fear is pretty powerful. I don’t want to be afraid any more so I am going to try and face my fears.

Motivation 42

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