Rocking in the 80’s

**Warning todays blog contains much jumping up and down, shameless self promotion, bad hair and daggy music**

After my foray into my old life on Sunday evening, I was straight back on track on Monday eating clean and working my butt off (hopefully). When the going got hard, as it invariably does doing Earn Your Burn, I visualised those blasted curry puffs and pushed on. Tuesday was a massive exercise day for me as I ended up doing 3 sessions! In the morning was the Mish On Possible video, then I finished work early so met up with a gf for lap swimming (or kickboarding) for an hour. Later I got a message from a couple of other 12wbt girls who wanted to meet up for outdoor training, so off I went. No wonder I’m sore today smile

For some reason though I was still scared to get on the scales. Wondering if I had done enough to combat my Thai binge. Logic said over the week I should still be down, but logic doesn’t seem to hold much weight in my head on Wednesday mornings. I was motivated to get out of bed to exercise (yeah I know – not me at all), but knowing I had to weigh in first had me staying in bed putting it off. Maybe the wanting to exercise was a procrastination method? Anyway eventually I got up the courage to face the music and headed in for the all important week 3 weigh in. And oh what sweet music it was… “Hanging Tough” whilst getting “Physical” had paid off. Perhaps “We didn’t start the Fire”, Mish did, but whilst “She Drives Me Crazy” I’ve kept the “Faith”. Looking into the mirror with my hair all wild and crazy from the salt I didnt have time to wash out yesterday (done this morning) I couldn’t help but laugh.

Yep 1.3kg down and into the 80s! For the first time in I don’t know how long but at least 5 years! I am so so happy! Farewell to the 90’s forever. It was fun while it lasted, and you served a purpose in my life, but I no longer need you and am moving on. I won’t be returning so please accept my gratitude for being there when I thought I needed you, and this my final goodbye.

Hello 80’s my old friend. I don’t plan on staying long, but it’s so nice to see you after all these years. I’m going to enjoy my short but sweet farewell visit to you. I’m sure you will teach me much as I travel with you through the next few weeks.

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Confession Time

I always knew today would be hard to control and I was right. I had no control sad I thought I had prepared myself well. I got up early and did 2.5 hours of exercise and burned just over 1000 calories. Good start. Came home and did another couple of hours of cleaning (vacuuming, washing etc) so sure I burned a few more cals there even though I didn’t count them. I was feeling good too as I put on a skirt that I havent been able to do up properly for years, and today it did up easily, with room to spare!

I ate a 12wbt breakfast and a light lunch. That was where I made my first mistake. Lunch was too light. It meant by the time we got started at the cooking class (5pm) I was ravenous. Added to that I had taken a bottle of wine (low cal but still) to share with my sister in law.

The first dish we made were curry puffs… made with full fat puff pastry. I had planned to eat 2 only, but we’d cooked so many and they were just sitting there in front of me and they were SO nice… I’m ashamed to say I ate 5! After that we made a Thai beef salad and even though I was full I had some of that too… and then there was main course – Stirfried Chicken with pumpkin and thai basil… WITH RICE! and I ate that too!

We were given the recipes, so i’ve just worked out the calories that I ate tonight. In the interests of honesty I will admit it here… I ate 1223 calories IN ONE MEAL! Bringing my total for the day to 1657. I’m ashamed of my lack of control (those curry puffs were 100 calories each!). I feel completely and utterly over full, stuffed, bloated and disgusting. What shames me even more is that I used to eat that way on a semi regular basis. No wonder I am fat!

Suffice to say I will probably get a crap result on the scales this week and I deserve it. I have no one to blame but myself and my own lack of personal control. I have a whole weekend ahead of me next weekend where I wont be able to control my food and I’m scared. I’m scared I will eat too much. I’m scared I wont have the self control to say no to alcohol and desserts. I’m scared I will have 2 weeks in a row of bad results on the scales.

I just hope that I can use this to motivate me to work extra hard this week and hopefully counteract the damage I’ve done today.

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Odds and Sods

I had big plans for this weekend. I was going to do bootcamp this morning, then my markets shopping, home for Mish’s Heart starter session, then the groceries, cleaning and a cookup. Tomorrow I was planning to do the bay in the morning and maybe even try running again since I havent had a twinge out of my leg in about 24 hours.

So much for plans sad It was pouring this morning so bootcamp got cancelled, the cyclonic winds in conjunction with the rain made the markets impractical. Result – I laid in bed until 9am. TTOM hit this morning and I feel like crap. Nauseous, bloated and just plain blah. I was tempted to skip training all together today and use it as a rest day (I’ve already decided to swap Sat and Sunday meal plans this weekend as I have a cooking class tomorrow afternoon). I did manage to head to Coles to get the groceries done and that in itself provided an odd experience.

I was standing in the middle of the fruit and veg section checking the shopping list on my iphone when a strange guy walked up to me and said “Excuse me, but where are you from to be so beautiful?” What the??? Odd on a few levels. 1) to be asked where I’m from in a city I have lived my whole life, and for which my colouring is not at all unusual. and 2) I was looking like crap: no makeup, hair thrown up, bloated stomach, jeans too loose around the waist but still clinging to my stubbornly massive thighs and calves, shirt I’d spilled toothpaste on before coming out and could not be bothered changing. I hardly expected to be hit on! I thanked him and tried to continue on my way but he followed me asking why I walk away when a guy gives me a compliment and then he wanted my name and phone number. I was a little firmer (but still polite) in my response that time and he left me alone, but it did get me thinking. Why is it so hard to take compliments? (And do people really use the supermarket on a Saturday morning as a pickup joint?) I’m never all that comfortable with compliments about my looks, but I find them especially hard when I have made no effort. eg If I’m dressed up for an event and receive a compliment I can say things like “thankyou the hairdresser did a great job this morning” or “thanks a little makeup does wonders” or “thanks this dress is great for hiding a multitude of sins”. For some reason I can’t just be accept the compliment, I have to turn it around and give the credit to someone or something else. I wonder if that will change? I wonder if as I go through this journey I might start receiving more compliments about my looks? Is it a matter of practice to get used to accepting them?

At least getting out of the house made me feel a little better and I did Mish’s Heart Starter when I got home. Only 348 cals burned, but I think I will be happy with that today and do the super session before the Thai cooking class tomorrow. My biggest problem today is going to be eating. Being bloated, eating is the last thing I feel like doing. I forced down breakfast at 9 but its now 1.30 and the thought of eating lunch makes me queasy. I know I have to do it though. I’m thinking if I can at least get through the 3 main meals today that will be an achievement. Does anyone else feel like this some days? Knowing my luck my appetite will come back right in the middle of the cooking class tomorrow and I’ll want to eat everything in sight lol. Should be fun though, and worthy of “treat meal” status.

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Jubilation, Frustration, Determination and Satisfaction

Weigh in Wednesday has rolled around again. I know I’ve worked hard this week, and I know I’ve stuck to the eating plan. I approached the scales with mixed feelings though – its the first full week of the program so I was really hoping for a good result but there’s always that niggling little voice that tells me my body just doesn’t lose quickly. Anyway I dragged myself out of bed (why is this getting harder every morning??) and got on the scales. DOWN 1.1kg!!!! Cue bathroom happy dance! I’m thrilled with that grin

That was just the boost I needed to get my butt down to the gym at work (raining outside). I set myself up and got on to the treadmill ready to start my Couch to 5k, as soon as I started walking at any pace though the ligament in my leg started screaming. Dammit! I felt like chucking a tantrum there and then. My stupid body that wont do what I want it to. Bad enough that I’m unfit but these stupid road blocks when I’m trying to fix that just make me want to SCREAM!

The gym at work is not particularly well equipped for cardio days. It was set up mainly for the guys, so has a treadmill, a multi exercise weight machine thingy and thats it for the airconditioned area. Out in the (indoor) carpark area there is a sparring dummy and a set of 10 ounce boxing gloves. I was determined to get a workout done this morning even if any sort of weight bearing on that leg hurt. If Mish can workout with her hamstring injury, I can workout with inflamed ligaments! So I donned the boxing gloves and took out all my frustrations on the dummy. I set up rounds for myself – 20 punches followed by 5 sumo squats. Repeat making sure I changed my arm lead and leg stance regularly. Then I switched to Front kicks into the chest area of the dummy – 10 on each leg followed by 60 uppercuts. Repeat for 3 rounds. (That one did hurt the ligament a bit, but I know from the sports podiatrist that any kind of one legged balance work is good for strengthening the muscles in that area.). As an “active rest” I walked up and down the length of the carpark area. Every step hurt, and even the right leg started to develop pain, but it was no impact so wasn’t doing any damage and I figured as long as pain levels werent excruciating I would push through. Then back to the dummy for more punching and kicking rounds. After about 35 minutes I could barely lift my arms and my hands hurt from the impact so I did the last couple of rounds with no gloves on and air punched.

By the time all that was done, and I’d done my stretches i had burned 480 calories. Not a massive number but I’m satisfied with it. My upper body is my weak point, so the muscles give out easily meaning its hard to keep it up for long periods in order to get cardio benefit. I’ve always used my legs for cardio with occasional small bursts of boxing (like 1 – 2 min) to mix it up a bit. Today tested me both mentally and physically. I’m feeling pretty good that I overcame the obstacle that my legs presented me with and got a good sweaty workout done!

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Sweat and Tears

I’ve been complimented a few times in regards to my positive mindset for this challenge, and largely that is true. I have complete faith in the program and the people (Michelle and her team) that run it. I don’t however always have complete faith in myself. Today it all came crashing down.

I had planned to get up early this morning (early being around 6.30 or 7am for an afternoon shift week) to get the the gym at work and do the C25k on the treadmill and maybe some boxing, then coming home and doing the Earn Your Burn video to get my calories up for the day. I set the alarm. My workout gear was laid out. I went to bed early. In theory I was ready. I even woke up before the alarm… actually I’d been awake on and off half the night as I’d had a series of nightmares and so didn’t want to go back to sleep. I wasn’t tired though so that wasn’t the excuse for not getting out of bed. I laid there, awake, thinking I should be getting up. It’s the perfect time. I can get my workout done and still have time to myself before work. Instead I just laid there. So I started asking myself why? Why don’t I want to get up and do my workout. I mean I’ve done my excuses task, so I was ready for all the excuses I’d come up with there… instead my devious little pee brain came up with a new one that stumped me. “I just don’t want to”. WTF!?!!? What followed may be grounds for committing me to a mental institution. I had an argument with myself. “I don’t want to”… “So what we all do things we don’t want to, it’s called life”… “You can’t make me”… “Do you want to be fat forever? Just get up and do the bloody workout it will be done then”. This went on and on… for over an hour I am ashamed to say. Eventually I remembered my colleague that I had looked dead in the eye and made my commitment to. The same colleague who was no doubt expecting to see me at the gym today. The colleague I will see when I get to work and who will definitely ask me how my workout was since I didn’t go to the gym. Even the petulant child within me couldn’t face disappointing him so I dragged myself out of bed.

That wasn’t the end of the procrastination though. Oh no. I decided to have breakfast first, as that way I’d still be able to space my snacks out properly for the day (excuse). Bad move. Eating breakfast meant I had to wait an hour before I could do the workout. That meant I got on the computer…. Thankfully I came onto the forums, saw that other people are also struggling and thought, I can’t very well be trying to motivate and encourage others when I am sitting on my fat lazy butt all morning so I went to today’s workout and hit play on the video. I did have to pause it several times before I started though… oops “forgot” to put HRM on… oops “forgot my sweat towel”… oops “forgot” my water bottle. Seriously sometimes my own childishness astounds me.

Eventually I got going though and I was going along ok… or so I thought. I was struggling by the end of the 45 sec bursts and panting all the way through the 15 sec rest breaks but I was doing it. (Doing less of the intermediate and more of the beginner than I probably should, but still dripping with sweat.) It all came to a crashing end about the time of the 2nd “final blast” though. Michelle was talking in the video, trying to get the viewers to “push it”. Asking to “show me your commitment”, “show me your passion!”. That was the end for me. The floodgates opened and I collapsed on the floor sobbing my heart out. I have no passion for exercise. I can do the food commitment but can i really do the exercise? I’m SO unfit. 45 seconds of work and I can hardly breathe and am feeling like I want to throw up (breakfast first was NOT a good idea!). I crawled to the laptop and paused the video and sat howling into my sweat towel. I mean the really embarrassing loud, shoulder heaving HOWLS. I’m sure people on the street outside could hear me. I didn’t care. I just kept crying. I was however grateful I was at home in my loungeroom and not in a gym class or the middle of an oval. I don’t even really know why I was crying so much. I think it was a combination of exhaustion, fear, frustration, pain and probably hormones (will have to check calendar).

After a few minutes I was able to retain some composure, and finished the rest of the workout. I even surprised myself by getting my wrists all the way to my knees during the sit ups which I haven’t been able to do before. I think that was my body’s way of showing me that even though I am still struggling… a LOT, I am making improvements. I need to learn to celebrate those improvements and not be quite so hard on myself when I find the going tough (I do need to continue to be hard on myself when I’m being a lazy brat though). Now my workout is done. I only burned 426 cals though so I need to do something else. I’m hoping work wont be too late tonight and I can call on a friend or someone to go for a walk with me. I think I need the company today.

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No Rest for the Wicked

As we all know Sunday is supposed to be a day of rest. Well I did allow myself to sleep in until 8am so that was great (except after all the early starts this week I was awake at 7). Then it was off for a 10km meet and greet walk with the Inner Westies crew. I thought that meant the walk would be a nice slow pace, and I guess I could have slowed down if I wanted to, but instead I powered off up near the front trying to keep up with people who are a lot fitter (or have a lot longer legs) than I do. We finished just over 10km in 1hr 43 min which I think is a pretty good pace considering we were chatting the whole way and I burned a fabulous 763 cals! (Not bad for a rest day ) It was really great to chat to people who have been through what I am going through as a first rounder and who constantly inspire me with their achievements, and attitudes. If nothing else 12wbt has given me some great role models and looks like developing some good friendships too.

Once the walk was over it was back to my neck of the woods to do the grocery shopping (seems to take me longer since I’ve started as I have trouble finding some of the less common ingredients…. corn thins anyone???). Home for lunch (another yummy but disintegrating wrap hahaha) then a walk up the road for more shopping. I don’t like having half open packets of a ton of different nuts, seeds, grains etc that can sit there for months before I finish them, so have started buying those sorts of things at a “bulk food” store near me where I can buy exactly the amount I need… even if it is only a few grams. Home again, put all the shopping away, then made the Cacao Bites for this weeks snacks. I was surprised they only took a couple of minutes to make! Hope they taste as good as they look. I only made a half batch, but I still have 11 “bites” to get through!

I’ve neglected the housework terribly this week. I would be embarrassed if anyone turned up to visit with it looking like it did, so much as I wanted to collapse on the couch, I finally got stuck into it. Kitchen cleaned, bathroom cleaned, loungeroom tidied, clean sheets on the bed, a TON of washing done. OMG soooooo much washing?!?!? I think it’s all the extra workout clothes and towels smile My bed looks sooooo inviting now I just wanted to collapse into it, but instead I did the much needed vacuuming. I’ve decided I deserve a break so am going to sit here and go through the forums for half an hour before its time to cook dinner. The disaster area that is my spare room can wait for another day (actually thinking I will schedule an hour a day to be spent in there and hopefully that will see it done before I go overseas!) I do feel much better about things now the flat is more presentable.

I’m still exhausted, but I don’t feel like I’ve wasted today like I used to on weekends. I’ve been productive, and got things done that I needed to do, but I’ve also had some fun, met some new people and enjoyed a new part of this fabulous city I am lucky enough to live in. I’m also reflecting a bit on my first official week of 12WBT. I won’t say it’s been easy, because those workouts have really pushed me, but I am proud of myself for sticking to it. Even with the crap at work this week and early morning starts coupled with extra hours at the end of shifts, I have not let that become an excuse. Every workout has been done. I have stuck to the eating program. The only thing I could improve on I think is my water intake. Whilst it’s still WAY better than it used to be, I’m not drinking the 3L or so I should be, instead hovering around 2L most days. I guess that’s something to work on next week. So from a tired, but contented me, at the end of our first week, I congratulate you all on making it. May it get a little easier each week, and may our hard work be reflected in the scales or other goals we’ve set ourselves. Bring on Week 2!

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My First Super Session

Yes it’s Saturday and that means SSS – Super Saturday Session. After a week of early morning starts and stress at work this week I am exhausted. I admit when I woke up I hoped it was raining so I could skip the 7am SSS with the other inner westies at the park and sleep for a while (I told myself I would do double dvd later in the day). The rain had stopped by 6am though, so I dragged my tired body out of bed and threw on my workout gear before my brain could start functioning properly and come up with excuses.

A bunch of the Sydney Inner Westies met at the park for todays session. We started the session with a 1km walk/run to warm up instead of the 3min step ups on the program. When I could barely run 50m without my leg burning I knew I was in for a tough morning! There are different levels in the group so I broke away with the beginners so we could concentrate on our program which I was pleased to see looked a lot easier than the intermediate one!

I seemed to cope ok with the pushups, although my arms were shaking by the end of the second sets, but the runs were another matter. I just could not seem to get my body moving! I was determined not to give up and kept up the running motion but I swear I was jogging slower than I walk. The other beginners were lapping me on the runs. Usually that would have really upset me (I hate “losing” and used to just not try if I knew I was crap at something). This journey though is different. I’m not in competition with anyone but myself and let me tell you when it comes to beating myself I am winning way more than I am losing! I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I won’t be losing massive numbers like some people seem to each week (2 – 3 kg in 2 days… WTF????) but as long as I am losing weight I will be happy. Running is the same. I’ve never been good at it. Even as a kid I hated it. I’m in the process of training my body to do it, and that’s a big ask of a body that’s carrying an extra 30+kg and is used to sitting on its well padded derrière all day! I was pleased I managed to do all the 200m runs without stopping. The 400m one was harder. I was already exhausted from the rest of the session, and when I got halfway through the third 100m I just couldn’t do it and had to walk. I was frustrated and disappointed in myself and made sure I didn’t dawdle and walked as fast as I could. Then I turned around and ran the whole last 100m and got cheered on by the other girls who had already finished their 400m.

I’ve never really been involved in team sports before, but the support I get from the guys and girls I train with and the people on these forums is phenomenal. I honestly think I would have given up during the warm up if it wasn’t for all the support, motivation and inspiration I’ve received and I am SOOO grateful!

After the stretching I looked down at my HRM keen to see my numbers for the session. I was dripping with sweat and utterly exhausted. My heart sank when I saw the numbers. 426 cals burned. What felt like the longest session ever had only taken around 48 minutes and had burned less than a walk around the bay. It’s not fair! Ave HR was 157 and max was 181 so it’s not like I wasn’t working hard. (I’m 39 years old so my max HR is 181 and my training zone is 117 – 153). The other beginners had burned even less and I know they worked their butts off too. I had planned to do another hours training later, but knowing I would have to burn 600 cals I knew that a dvd wouldnt do it and I was going to have to head out for a run/walk.

When the intermediates had finished the session, someone had this fab idea of finishing with group stepups. This is where everyone stands along the gutter in a long line (I think there were around 15 of us), then we all start doing running stepups. The first person counts to 12 then we all swap legs and the next person starts counting to 12. This continues all the way down the line, swapping leg leads each time we change counters. I burned another 50 or so cals doing that. It must have been quite a site for the people walking past. I kind of wish we had a photo of it smile I didn’t stop at all for the whole thing, (although I think I did slow down a bit, particularly on left leg leads towards the end). Surprisingly enough I really enjoyed it. Not the step ups per se, but the feeling of being a part of something, and knowing that me being there added to the group (added an extra 12 steps that is hahaha) If you haven’t already done it, I definitely advise finding people in your area who are doing the 12wbt to train with sometimes. It really is worth it.

After the session with the inner westies, I headed to the fruit and veg market to do this weeks shopping. I think my regular market stall got a shock with the volume I bought _ I used to spend less than $10 a week on fruit and veg. This week I spent almost $40! I then went to the meat market for the meat which was only $10 – and that’s with buying extra. So this week I’m sitting at $50 with only my Coles shop to go so I’m anticipating it will be a lot cheaper than the $135 I spent last week which is very nice.

By the time i got home I was utterly wrecked. I knew if I tried to train anymore right then I would do it half hearted and it would take all day to get the burn I needed, so I opted instead for a nap… at 10am… ridiculous I know but I really needed it. I slept too. Deep sleep with actual dreams (weird dream actually) none of that half awake dozing I seem to do usually if I nap in the daytime. When I got up at noon, I again got into workout gear before my brain kicked into gear and headed down to the treadmill at the office (it was raining again). I started with the C25k W3, D3 which took me 28 min and only around 300 cals, and then I started doing hill intervals. Pushing myself by increasing the incline to level 10 for some of the intervals. It took me 70 min but I managed to burn 629 calories, bringing my total for the day to 1105. Now I don’t know if it’s right to split your SSS into 2 sessions or not, but I know that’s the way I need to do it at the moment time wise. The idea of getting up at 5am or earlier on a Saturday to train for an hour or more before bootcamp just doesn’t appeal. Plus I’m not sure how I would go at bootcamp if I’d already trained for an hour before it started.

I’m utterly wrecked now though. My whole body aches. I’m so tired I feel I could nap again. The thought of actually doing any of the housework I need to do fills me with dread. I don’t want to move. I’m supposed to be going out with girlfriends tonight for a night on the town but I honestly don’t know if I’m up to it. I’ve got 2 hours to get some energy back sad
Tomorrow isn’t a rest day for me either as I’ve signed up for a 10km walk. It wont be at any great pace (I think its supposed to take around 2 hours) so I’m hoping my legs can make it. At the moment it’s not looking great. I’m sure a good night’s sleep will fix that though and I will be fine. It’s times like this I wish my apartment had a bath as well as a shower. I could so do with a soak in some epsom salts. Oh well. Just have to make do with staying in the shower until my tiny water heater runs out of hot water.