I’m living in the 70’s!!!

70s

Turn on the Lava Lamp, it’s time to ditch the leg warmers and pull on the psychedelic  flairs, kicking the 80s to the kerb. In the words of Skyhooks I’m Livin in the 70’s!!! The stalled weight loss of the last few weeks is a thing of the past. The last few weeks I’ve been knocking on the door of the 80kg benchmark, and this morning I smashed right through it! 1.6kg loss for the week  means the weight is starting to shift again and I’m oh so happy! The 100g loss of last week did play with my head a bit, but thankfully not enough to bring on a binge. Quite the opposite actually. I was tempted to under eat, but that doesn’t work either. It was a tough time but I reached out and got some fabulous support and a reminder of how far I have come. So I’ve committed (publicly) to eating every single one of my calories every single day. I’ve also started taking a magnesium supplement as I seem to have a permanent case of DOMS the last few weeks which is making everything seem hard. They seem to be working and I’m looking forward to smashing out some more calories tonight at kimax. Have a great week everyone!

 

images

Advertisements

Bumps along the road

It’s been an interesting few days for me. The long weekend saw me on massive highs from fitness achievements. I’m still on a high really. Tuesday I had an overnight trip to Canberra for work, meaning I wouldn’t be able to weigh in as usual on Wednesday. I decided to weigh in Tuesday morning before I left. POP that burst my bubble! Down a measly 100gm. At first I was disappointed. I guess I was expecting a good number to go with my great weekend… I really wanted to get into the 70’s this week. I figured with all the calories I’d burned over the weekend I was OWED that much. My inner teenager started foot stomping and sulking. Then I remembered everything else I have achieved this week, how awesomely my body had performed, and then honesty kicked in and I remembered the 2 red flag days with the less than stellar food choices made. (read all calorie counting thrown to the wind). So ok maybe a 100g loss isn’t so bad after all. Yes it means I didn’t get under 80 this week, but I’m 100g closer and I’ll get there next week… or the week after. Either way I know I WILL get there. Ok full blown tantrum averted. Off to Canberra.

 

Canberra ended up being one of those days where things just didn’t go right. Not just for me either. My team were stressed and grumpy too. Unfortunately none of it was due to anything I could fix. I was so relieved when the day was over. Instead of doing what I knew I should have done (the at home workout in my hotel room) I went for a bit of retail therapy. I did get some cute new boots that I needed, but I didn’t really burn any extra calories or build my strength. Then the team and I decided that pre dinner drinks were in order to wind down, so I stopped off and bought nibblies to go with the wine. So I spent the early evening, eating and drinking copious amounts of red wine. By the time we decided to head off to dinner I wasn’t really hungry, but I went anyway. More drinking, more eating. Including dessert. I think the inner teenager might have snuck out again and decided that since I haven’t lost any weight I may as well stuff my face.

IDIOT! By the time we left the restaurant I was feeling really ill. My stomach was one giant cramp. It felt like it would explode out of my body at any second. I couldn’t even fit a sip of water in. It was awful. The walk back to the hotel I was in agony. I can’t believe I used to have nights like that regularly and think nothing of it. The pain was awful. If someone had offered me a stomach pump at that point I would have grabbed it with both hands. As none was available I did the next best thing. I purged. This is not a behaviour I condone in the slightest. Its not one I’ve ever really indulged in. Generally speaking I can only make myself vomit if I am actually sick. This time, it was a case of knowing I needed to sleep but that the way I was feeling there was no way I could sleep. So I did it. And it relieved the pressure in my stomach. It meant I could sleep.

The upshot of all of that, is not that I’ve found a new way to eat what I want and not gain weight. The upshot is that I have realised that I no longer WANT to over eat. It is no longer pleasurable. I don’t care how nice the food tastes, if I eat too much of it the pain is so not worth it. What’s more I don’t have to weight days until I see the results on the scales as my consequence. That pain is almost immediate (just not quite immediate enough to stop me getting there).  Bulimia is a very real and dangerous condition and it’s not one I want to move towards. My heart goes out to anyone who battles this.

So yeah there have been a couple of speedbumps along the road this week, but you know what, my body is a 4WD all terrain vehicle. I’m going to drive right over these bumps and continue on my journey. They will not stop me. I WILL reach my destination. All they’ve done is slowed me down a touch… and sometimes you need to slow down to allow yourself to absorb whats going on around you.

Mini Milestones and reflections

This week is week 8 of the 12 week body transformation. Weeks 4 and 8 are “mini milestone” weeks where we take measurements in addition to weigh ins, redo the fitness test and basically reassess and see how we are going. I’ve been a bit all over the shop lately. My headspace just isn’t where it was at the start of the round. I’ve allowed myself to slack off a little in regards to exercise – Thank goodness for bootcamp, the sessions I have with members of the Inner Westies and other friends as they are what keep my exercise on track. I know my head isn’t right as I have also been struggling with the food side of things over the last couple of weeks. 2 nights with complete blowouts while I was in Canberra are one thing, but it’s the stuff while I have been at home that is more concerning. Funnily enough, I’m not eating too much – quite the opposite. There are way too many days when I’m under the 1200 calories… and not by a little bit either. There have been days when I have only eaten 800 or 900 calories all day. Some people may think “so what? you’re fat. The less you eat the better!” But my body just doesn’t work that way. It also doesn’t work when I pig out at a dinner and then under eat for a day or 3 to try and make up for it.

My weightloss over the last 2 weeks is kind of reflective of that – 1.3kg total for the last fortnight (600g this week). Prior to that I’ve been averaging a kilo a week (or more) since the round kicked off. I need to get myself back under control. My biggest downfall with food comes in fact from my desire to sleep in. I have never been an early riser, and whilst I set the alarm to get up for work or bootcamp etc, if I don’t have somewhere specific to be I just can’t seem to make myself get out of bed. This morning it was 8.30am before I got up…some days it’s later. Part of it is working shifts. I was always taught sleep while you can as you never know how long the shift will go for (we don’t have set hours). On afternoon shifts it has always been rare for me to be out of bed before 9. When I started this program I was good about getting up when my reminders to exercise beeped and getting on with things, but lately I’ve been sleeping through the reminders or just plain ignoring them. I figure I can exercise “later”. Whilst most of the time I do exercise later (occasionally miss a day) it stuffs up my eating. If I don’t have breakfast until after 9, I’m not usually hungry until lunchtime (if even then) so i miss my morning snack. I usually have my afternoon snack, but then after dinner I find myself with 150 calories or more still to eat and me not being hungry because I’ve just had dinner. Result is I either don’t eat the calories, or I make them up with crap. Chocolate or alcohol being my current crap of choice. I don’t think I’ve ever got to the stage where I am hungry but have run out of calories for the day.  Part of that is because the food on this program is so good – tasty and filling. But I’m afraid it’s also partially because I’m just not spending enough hours in the day being active.

 

I figured today would also be a good day to do my measurements that are due this week. I’ve actually felt a bit slimmer lately. Yesterday I was laying on my side in bed and rested my arm on my hip and I felt bone. I don’t think I’ve felt bone in my hips since before puberty! So I pulled out the trusty tape measure and started measuring.

Results: Weight – down 600g. Total 13.2kg since i started, 7.6 in 8 weeks.

Chest: down 1cm in last 4 weeks. 2cm total. (that’s ok I kind of like being big busted)

Waist: down 2cm in last 4 weeks, 12cm total. (disappointed with the last 4 weeks change here as I feel like my stomach has been shrinking. Even at my heaviest I have a defined waist though so as of today I have started tracking my top and bottom stomach because I am sure that is shrinking.)

Hips: down 4cm last 4 weeks, 17cm total. (happy days)

Thighs: down 2-3cm each leg 4-6cm total (very happy with this and I think I can actually notice the difference)

Arms: back up to starting measurement. (Not happy. I know I’m getting stronger though so this may be due to the measurement not being taken at the widest point, but instead taken from the bottom of the bicep which wont change as much).

Calf: down 1cm each. Total 2cm each (not a required measurement, but one i’m interested in as I’d love to be able to buy knee high boots from a regular store instead of having to have them made or bought from “big girls” shops.

 

So a bit of a mixed bag there. There are some positives though. I was reminded by one of my lovely training partners last night, that we have been at this since the beginning of December. It hasn’t just been 8 weeks. Whilst I may have had an occasional slip up, I have always got straight back on track. I honestly think this is the longest I have ever consciously done anything to improve my health and I’m proud of that. I have no intention of giving up. Ever. I have a long way to go to get to my weight loss goals, but I have a firm belief that I will get there. This program isn’t a “quick fix” (although there are definitely people who lose weight on it a lot faster than I have.) It is however something I believe I can sustain for as long as I need to lose weight, and then incorporate into a regular healthy life.

motivation 14 motivation 20 motivation 27

Smashing Milestones

It’s funny how we get fixated on numbers and attach such significance to them. eg $19.99 sounds so much better than $20. It’s the same with weight loss. I would love to get to 80kg by the end of this round but if I can get to 79.9 I will be over the moon. Just cause it starts with a 7… even though there is no real difference. Last week I was sitting at 9.4kg lost since I started this journey in Warm Up. I don’t remember every having lost 10kg in a chunk before (I know I’ve lost and gained it several times over in smaller bits). I really really wanted to get to that 10kg lost, but I also found that I was trying to sabotage myself all week, perhaps trying to subconsciously give myself an excuse in case I didn’t get there, or maybe trying to prove to myself that I couldn’t get there.

I’m not quite sure what it was. I know I missed training on 3 days – and 2 of those days were cardio days… the worst possible days to miss for quick weight loss. I struggled daily with “cravings” for crap. Thanks to the things I’m learning on the 12WBT program though and the support network I have gained from it, I managed to stick to my 1200 calories a day. Yes I admit on a couple of those days some of my snack calories were taken up with chocolate, but I made sure that the chocolate was not eaten until at the end of the day and only if there were calories left over, even if I’d been wanting it since breakfast. I did try distracting myself by doing the dishes after dinner etc and only having it if I still wanted it after everything was cleaned up. Some days it worked, others it didn’t. But at least I didn’t gorge on it. 1 or 2 small pieces only (got to love a Lindt ball for controlling portion sizes but still satisfying the cravings.) On the days I did manage to train I trained hard, so I was pleased with that.

It was therefore with mixed emotions that I got on the scales this morning. The bathroom happy dance was on again when I saw I’d dropped 1.3kg! That brings the total to 10.7kg since warm up and 5.5 since the round started. It’s also 1/3 of the way to where I want to be by the end of the year. I didn’t only reach that 10kg milestone I smashed through it! It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders (as well as my gut, butt etc wink ) Now that the 10kg is gone the pressure is off. I WANTED to train. For the first time in a week I don’t want junk food.

I celebrated this win by doing the baywalk. I had no intentions of running any of it. I just wanted to walk it at a really good pace. I met up with a friend and we power walked around it. I really don’t think I could have moved my legs any faster at a walk. At a couple of points I felt so good I HAD to run. Me… who has always hated running. I even sprinted the last little bit to where we parked the car. I still can’t run for long, but I actually found myself enjoying the little short bursts. Once I can get my breathing sorted so that the air goes all the way into my lungs instead of feeling like there is a blockage at the top of my chest (same reason I struggle to drink during a hard training session) I know I will be running much further. I downloaded the 4km running program Mish suggested for the Mothers Day Classic and I’m going to take that with me when I go overseas as my training program. I figure I should be able to do that anywhere and fit it in around sight seeing. Having looked at it, I’m not quite up to the week 1 level yet (1km tempo runs + sprints + 1.5km long run!) but it gives me something to work towards and will hopefully keep me motivated while I’m away.

I fully expect these demons to raise their ugly heads again at my next milestone weight… it could be when i’m close to weighing 80kg, or it might be when I’m close to the 20kg loss mark… or even the 15 (although I’m more a round numbers girl) or it could be at all of those. Thing is, I know what to expect now, and I know (with a little help) I can get through it and achieve what I set out to. Those goals don’t seem unrealistic anymore grin

Confession Time

I always knew today would be hard to control and I was right. I had no control sad I thought I had prepared myself well. I got up early and did 2.5 hours of exercise and burned just over 1000 calories. Good start. Came home and did another couple of hours of cleaning (vacuuming, washing etc) so sure I burned a few more cals there even though I didn’t count them. I was feeling good too as I put on a skirt that I havent been able to do up properly for years, and today it did up easily, with room to spare!

I ate a 12wbt breakfast and a light lunch. That was where I made my first mistake. Lunch was too light. It meant by the time we got started at the cooking class (5pm) I was ravenous. Added to that I had taken a bottle of wine (low cal but still) to share with my sister in law.

The first dish we made were curry puffs… made with full fat puff pastry. I had planned to eat 2 only, but we’d cooked so many and they were just sitting there in front of me and they were SO nice… I’m ashamed to say I ate 5! After that we made a Thai beef salad and even though I was full I had some of that too… and then there was main course – Stirfried Chicken with pumpkin and thai basil… WITH RICE! and I ate that too!

We were given the recipes, so i’ve just worked out the calories that I ate tonight. In the interests of honesty I will admit it here… I ate 1223 calories IN ONE MEAL! Bringing my total for the day to 1657. I’m ashamed of my lack of control (those curry puffs were 100 calories each!). I feel completely and utterly over full, stuffed, bloated and disgusting. What shames me even more is that I used to eat that way on a semi regular basis. No wonder I am fat!

Suffice to say I will probably get a crap result on the scales this week and I deserve it. I have no one to blame but myself and my own lack of personal control. I have a whole weekend ahead of me next weekend where I wont be able to control my food and I’m scared. I’m scared I will eat too much. I’m scared I wont have the self control to say no to alcohol and desserts. I’m scared I will have 2 weeks in a row of bad results on the scales.

I just hope that I can use this to motivate me to work extra hard this week and hopefully counteract the damage I’ve done today.

motivation 44

Measure Up

Really quick post this morning that’s also a bit of a brag. I did the Measure Up task when I woke up this morning, and whilst the results are still pretty horrendous I have already seen changes!!!

Waist: DOWN 6cm since Dec 30th
Hips: DOWN 7cm

I’ve even lost 1cm off my neck!

I’d only done the default My Fitness Pal ones previously so can’t compare the other measurements but I’m SOOOOOO happy! If I can lose 13cm with only 5kg imagine what I’m going to lose over the next 12 weeks!

BRING IT ON!

Working it in to everyday life

It’s been an interesting few days. I’m still struggling with exercise motivation if I don’t have a session planned with other people. Funny thing though on the days when I JFDI on my own anyway I seem to get great results! Yesterday I did stuff all. I blamed it on my aching ankle but in reality that was just an excuse. The ankle only hurts after I finish exercising and not too much during it. I’m seeing the doc next week to hopefully get it sorted for good but I have to stop letting it become an excuse not to exercise.

This morning bootcamp was cancelled due to the wet weather. I COULD have used that as another excuse, but there was no way I was letting myself get away with that 2 days in a row (hoping that means I’m at least part of the way there!). I headed in to our office’s gym planning on doing an hour and burning 500 or so cals. I started on the treadmill and did the C25k (week 1 day 3). Normally I would jump off after that and go and use the weights machine or boxing dummy for a while then jump back on for however long it takes to fill the hour. This morning though I decided to stay on. I switched to an incline interval program and did another half an hour walking. Once that was up I actually felt like testing myself. I dropped the incline back down to 1 and cranked the pace up to 8km/hr and just started running. I was aiming to do 2 or 3 minutes straight if I could (having never run more than 90sec on the treadmill before). Well I managed to get to just over 4 min before I started feeling really out of breath but kept pushing myself and got to 5 min! Only 700m (seems to take forever to get anywhere lol) but I felt so good smile So good I then went and did some boxing and upper body weights.

So yeah it wasn’t a bootcamp session but I still managed to push myself even though I was all alone. I’m really hoping I can do this more often as the program goes on. I’m thinking of doing that workout after bootcamp on saturdays to get to my 1000 cal burn. I’m just hoping it still counts if there is an hour or 2 in between the sessions as I have a pre existing commitment Saturday mornings.

Tomorrow I have a big lunch to go to which I’d booked before I signed up here. It’s a set menu so I cant order whatever I want. I wont be drinking so that’s something. But I just KNOW that the calories will be WAY up there. Luckily (?) it’s a late lunch so for me it will be lunch and dinner, but I still think I will be over 1200 cals tomorrow. No idea how to count the calories in the meal either sad (why oh why cant restaurants provide calorie info so at least I’d know how bad it is??)

Anyway I have decided not to stress too much. I’m going to go for a walk in the morning so I can burn off a few of those extra calories. I will attempt to avoid the bread sticks before the sit down part of the meal and I will do my best to limit my portion sizes. Other than that I am just going to enjoy the afternoon. These sorts of outings are fairly common in my life and whilst I’m happy enough to cut them down to once a week or even less, I don’t want to cut them out of my life entirely. After all for me this is a lifestyle change not a diet so I need to learn how to manage my social life too.