Turning 40, reflections and beginnings

Last Friday I turned the big 4 0. In all honesty i wasn’t sure how I would handle the day. There are so many things I thought I would have in my life by that age that i don’t – the two biggest being a husband/ partner and children, Whilst the first is definitely attainable after 40, children are most likely not. So I thought there was a good chance of a breakdown come dawn on Friday when i suddenly realised I was a barren old spinster. I’d been on a high in the days leading up to it but thought that might have been the “manic” before the depression.

Funny thing though, I woke up on the anniversary of my birth in a great mood… I stayed in a great mood all day and well into the weekend. I credit that in a big way to this journey I am on. I feel so much better about myself now. It’s not just the weight either. I mean I have weighed this weight before and I didn’t like who I was and I hated how I looked… and I got bigger… and bigger… and BIGGER. Now, whilst I still don’t love the way I look naked  (saggy bits are sooo unattractive), I’m actually starting to think I look pretty good – especially in a nice frock 🙂 As for how I feel about myself… well dare I say it? I am starting to love who I am. I’m proud of what I have achieved. I’m not perfect by any stretch but I believe I am a good person, and by the wonderful people I seem to be attracting into my life at the moment I have to believe that other people think I’m pretty good too. Actually that deserves a bit of a re write…. I may not do everything perfectly but I AM PERFECT! There is nothing “wrong” with me that needs to be “fixed”. I am perfect the way I am and the way I am is constantly improving if that makes any sense. (admittedly I may be blocking any thoughts about what is not in my life and just focussing on the great things I do have to keep my mood elevated)

So I jumped out of bed on my birthday morning and weighed in :- 75kgs. on the dot. I was thrilled 🙂 23kgs down since I started. Still another 15 to go but I’d reached the goal I set for round 2 and I was happy 🙂 I had also decided that I was not going to count calories on my birthday weekend and was just going to enjoy myself. That started with a delicious Vietnamese feast with the family on Friday night, (not horrendous calorie wise until my sweetheart brother surprised me with a chocolate mudcake topped with profiteroles and chocolate shavings for dessert!), continued through an amazing Middle Eastern feast with 22 friends on Saturday (complete with several glasses of wine, baklava and a birthday bombe alaska) and was supposed to end with a lovely baked dinner with my brother’s family (where we finished off the rest of that mudcake). Note I said “supposed” to finish there. I was full of good intentions that come Monday morning I would be straight back into eating clean and training hard. Unfortunately that didn’t happen. I knew I was going to Canberra for a work trip on Wednesday but I had 2 days i could have controlled my food and didn’t. Part of it was being unorganised (hugely busy weekend meant no shopping had been done), part of it was a previously promised trip to Zumbos (OMG orange and apricot Zonut – pure heaven (and heart attack) on a plate!), but part of it was those old excuses rearing their ugly heads again: “Everyone is saying how good I look, surely I can stop now”, and “the round doesn’t start until next Monday, I ‘deserve’ a break”. So nothing achieved Monday and Tuesday other than one run. Then i hit Canberra with the work crew and whilst I organised myself enough to take breakfast (although only for 2 days instead of the 3 i was down there) I didn’t make the healthiest choices at lunch and dinner. Yesterday was just ridiculous – McDonalds for breakfast (just a bacon and egg muffin – within calorie allowance and not too bad) but then Oportos for lunch WITH chips! and then for dinner instead of pulling on the reins, I decided to bake myself 2 drumsticks and a too large potato. I thought I had drawn the line in the sand then, but after doing my fitness test this morning and deciding to do the shopping before coming home for breakfast I ended up eating a Kit Kat for breakfast. It seems I still have a LOT to learn.

I guess the reason that I’m posting all of that is for accountability. I have well and truly dropped the ball this week – and as a result I have gained 1.1kgs as of this morning. That is not good. It is not however the end of the world. I have done my shopping so I am now prepared for the week ahead. I do have my brother’s birthday dinner tonight (Thai feast) and whilst I will no doubt still go over my calories at least i won’t be drinking so that will save some. I wont beat myself up though. I know that is the last big social function for a while. I’m going to take this round 1 week at a time (perhaps even one day at a time). I’ve been doing my preseason tasks today to get my head ready.  I am going to give it my all. I’m reposting my commitment here to keep me accountable to you the lovely people who take the time to read my ramblings: My commitment is to give this round my all. No slacking off and allowing bad habits (and chocolate binges) to creep back in. I’m committed to keeping up with my running and to running 10km regularly by the end of the round. Whilst doing that I will lose 8-10kgs

I’ve redone my goals too:

During the next month I will:

Lose 2.6kg
Complete the Sydney Glow Run
Run 8km non stop

and over the course of the next 12 weeks I will:

run 10km without stopping and compete in Melbourne Marathon Festival in 10km event
Lose 8kg
Compete in RAW Challenge

It all begins again now and again every morning I am blessed enough to open my eyes.

I want to earn the faith my friends and family have shown in me. For my birthday my beautiful friends got me a session with a stylist, (including 2 hours of shopping and some vouchers to pay for my new wardrobe!) and a bottle of Moet to toast the occasion – an absolutely perfect gift. My wonderful family got my some http://www.redballoon.com.au vouchers so I can do something really memorable, and a fabulous “Love Life” photo collage frame so I can celebrate my achievements and the events I am entering. I am truly grateful to have these amazing people in my life. Without them I would be nowhere.

I absolutely adore this Leona Edmiston dress. I felt a million dollars!

I absolutely adore this Leona Edmiston dress. I felt a million dollars!

Kazbah bombe

Week 4 weigh in and mini Milestones

Yesterday was the all important (or really not so important) weekly weigh in. I had hoped to get into the 70s but it wasn’t to be. Missed it by 500 grams. Am I disappointed? Hell no! I have lost 17.5kg this year  or almost 18% of my bodyweight and that is AWESOME. People are even starting to notice and to comment positively on how I’m looking. I got complimented by the two women at work who are NEVER nice to me! Whats more they seemed sincere.  More importantly I feel fantastic. I seem to have a better relationship with exercise this round. I’ve accepted the fact that I prefer to be around other people when I’m sweating my butt off. I also like variety in my workouts. So now my schedule looks like this:

Mondays: Cycle or RPM class

Tuesdays: outdoor 12WBT toning session with the gorgeous girls in my local area, or kimax class if its raining for morning shift weeks and body pump class on afternoon shift weeks

Wednesdays: Kimax on morning shift, Body combat on afternoons shift

Thursdays: Body pump on morning shift, Kimax on afternoon shift

Fridays: run club whenever possible, and Yoga

Saturdays: bootcamp + run/walk or 12WBT SSS gym machines

Sundays: REST

Of course sometimes life gets in the way. eg Last night State of Origin was on and I had plans with friends so couldn’t make my Kimax class. I also worked later than planned. Old PJ would have skipped training all together, and to be honest I did consider that. New PJ however thought any workout is better than no workout, and so went to the gym and did most of the 12WBT cardio gym machine session for the day. I didnt have time for the whole thing but I did do 50 min (skipped final blast and stretches) and burned just under 500 cals. I was so glad I went. I could have finished the session, but I decided it was more beneficial that I go home and have dinner prior to going out rather than eating at the pub. I consider that a successful day – long shift at work, + workout + ate well + enjoyed a great night out with my friends and didn’t feel I was missing out (plus the Blues won so it was awesome 😉 )

Week 4 also saw me doing my measurements. From the 5 areas the 12WBT keeps track of I’ve lost 12cm. Happy with that. Even happier with the extra measurements I keep track of myself – a whopping 25cm gone! Mainly from around my stomach (I measure top, waist and “apron”). No wonder I need new belt holes.

This weekend I have a challenge for myself. I’m joining some of the Inner Westies to do the 18km walk from Taronga Zoo to Manly, including a bunch of hills and stairs. It’s slated as suitable for “intermediate to advanced fitness”. Will be so proud of myself if I can get through it all without holding anyone up! Wish me luck

Just cause its short doesnt mean I dont work HARD

Just cause its short doesnt mean I dont work HARD

MASSIVE FIST PUMP MOMENT!!!

Just a quick update to let you all know that this morning, for the first time, EVER, in my life, I RAN 1KM WITHOUT STOPPING!!!! I feel incredibly proud of myself. That was one of my 12 week goals and I did it!!! I shared the moment with another lady who ran 1km for the first time in years, and then did the Bay with a friend and she conquered the iron cove bridge running it without stopping for the first time ever. Such a joy to be able to share these special moments with fantastic people! Before 12WBT I couldn’t run… at all. I’m talking not even 50m. I can’t wait to see how much more I can achieve as I go on. I really want to be able to complete a fun run (5km) without stopping. Not because there is a particular one I want to do, but because I want to know that I can do it. Hopefully more running will help slim my legs down too… especially the calves 😉