Getting back into the swing of things… slowly

Down 700g for this week. Better than last week. It did teach me not to do sneaky mid week weigh ins though.. I was down a whole kilo as of Sunday and did nothing “wrong” between then and today to warrant the increase of 300g.  700g for a week like this is good though. Nutrition is still not 100%. I think I hit the worst of it on the weekend though. Friday run club which I normally LOVE, I ended up in tears. We were doing hill runs which are never easy, but when you’ve filled your body with crap for weeks leading up to them they are downright horrendous. I’m a stubborn cow though, so I kept pushing myself. Could hardly breathe (to the point where people asked me if i was asthmatic), wanted to throw up but was so damned mad at myself I just kept pushing. The girls were amazing though. I truly am blessed to have so much support around me. Coach took me aside for a bit of a chat and kept checking in with me all day. Result: first crap free day all week.

Saturday I was determined to bang out a real super session. I did bootcamp in the morning as usual, then got the shopping done and headed out to Homebush to meet up with a friend to try and complete a 10km run. By the time we started it was 11am and Sydney had turned on an absolute pearler of a day. Bright blue skies and warm sunshine…. about 1km in I was cursing that sunshine. It felt HOT! No shade out there, but the lovely Kate had mapped out a nice flat route for my first 10km. I couldn’t let her down. It wasn’t fast (1hr 13min) and it defintely wasn’t pretty… and I fought with myself the whole way around but it got DONE! 10.3km non stop. A personal record for me. Thank goodness Kate accepts that i’m a little crazy and didnt freak out when I started yelling at my legs (body was doing that thing where it works a pain around the body… shin splints, stitch, shoulder pain etc which was fine, until it went back to shin splints and I dedided that doubling back was against the rules). Not did it phase her when i started chanting “I can do this” in time with our footfalls outloud to try and quiet the voice in my head that was telling me I was too fat/old/unfit etc to do this. I must say that that is the most negative my head has ever been during a run. It’s scary. Thankfully the out loud chanting and the support of my wonderful running partner got me through it. There was no runners high at the end of that run (at least not for me – Kate on the other hand was flying high after running way slower than she usually would so I could keep up) but I was really pleased that I won the mental battle and got it done. I followed it up on Monday with another 9km + run near home. Legs were aching and I didnt manage to run the steep hill after the stairs that time but I did run the rest and theres no shame in walking 120m up a 45′ gradient 8km in.  I did manage all 75 burpees and 150 lunges (75 each leg) at the end of the toning session last night so its no wonder my legs are dead today.

Food the rest of the week has been pretty good until today. I broke down and ate chocolate in spite of my pledge to stay off it completely for this week. No real reason just an “I want it” and couldn’t be bothered fighting the impulse for too long. Not going to beat myself up though. Tonight its off to Kimax and I’ll beat up the boxing bag instead. Also gives my legs a little bit of a break as I’m not going to do a run today (other than running around in class).

So the week isn’t perfect but it’s not that bad and the scales are still moving in the right direction. Hopefully things just keep getting better from here

Turning 40, reflections and beginnings

Last Friday I turned the big 4 0. In all honesty i wasn’t sure how I would handle the day. There are so many things I thought I would have in my life by that age that i don’t – the two biggest being a husband/ partner and children, Whilst the first is definitely attainable after 40, children are most likely not. So I thought there was a good chance of a breakdown come dawn on Friday when i suddenly realised I was a barren old spinster. I’d been on a high in the days leading up to it but thought that might have been the “manic” before the depression.

Funny thing though, I woke up on the anniversary of my birth in a great mood… I stayed in a great mood all day and well into the weekend. I credit that in a big way to this journey I am on. I feel so much better about myself now. It’s not just the weight either. I mean I have weighed this weight before and I didn’t like who I was and I hated how I looked… and I got bigger… and bigger… and BIGGER. Now, whilst I still don’t love the way I look naked  (saggy bits are sooo unattractive), I’m actually starting to think I look pretty good – especially in a nice frock 🙂 As for how I feel about myself… well dare I say it? I am starting to love who I am. I’m proud of what I have achieved. I’m not perfect by any stretch but I believe I am a good person, and by the wonderful people I seem to be attracting into my life at the moment I have to believe that other people think I’m pretty good too. Actually that deserves a bit of a re write…. I may not do everything perfectly but I AM PERFECT! There is nothing “wrong” with me that needs to be “fixed”. I am perfect the way I am and the way I am is constantly improving if that makes any sense. (admittedly I may be blocking any thoughts about what is not in my life and just focussing on the great things I do have to keep my mood elevated)

So I jumped out of bed on my birthday morning and weighed in :- 75kgs. on the dot. I was thrilled 🙂 23kgs down since I started. Still another 15 to go but I’d reached the goal I set for round 2 and I was happy 🙂 I had also decided that I was not going to count calories on my birthday weekend and was just going to enjoy myself. That started with a delicious Vietnamese feast with the family on Friday night, (not horrendous calorie wise until my sweetheart brother surprised me with a chocolate mudcake topped with profiteroles and chocolate shavings for dessert!), continued through an amazing Middle Eastern feast with 22 friends on Saturday (complete with several glasses of wine, baklava and a birthday bombe alaska) and was supposed to end with a lovely baked dinner with my brother’s family (where we finished off the rest of that mudcake). Note I said “supposed” to finish there. I was full of good intentions that come Monday morning I would be straight back into eating clean and training hard. Unfortunately that didn’t happen. I knew I was going to Canberra for a work trip on Wednesday but I had 2 days i could have controlled my food and didn’t. Part of it was being unorganised (hugely busy weekend meant no shopping had been done), part of it was a previously promised trip to Zumbos (OMG orange and apricot Zonut – pure heaven (and heart attack) on a plate!), but part of it was those old excuses rearing their ugly heads again: “Everyone is saying how good I look, surely I can stop now”, and “the round doesn’t start until next Monday, I ‘deserve’ a break”. So nothing achieved Monday and Tuesday other than one run. Then i hit Canberra with the work crew and whilst I organised myself enough to take breakfast (although only for 2 days instead of the 3 i was down there) I didn’t make the healthiest choices at lunch and dinner. Yesterday was just ridiculous – McDonalds for breakfast (just a bacon and egg muffin – within calorie allowance and not too bad) but then Oportos for lunch WITH chips! and then for dinner instead of pulling on the reins, I decided to bake myself 2 drumsticks and a too large potato. I thought I had drawn the line in the sand then, but after doing my fitness test this morning and deciding to do the shopping before coming home for breakfast I ended up eating a Kit Kat for breakfast. It seems I still have a LOT to learn.

I guess the reason that I’m posting all of that is for accountability. I have well and truly dropped the ball this week – and as a result I have gained 1.1kgs as of this morning. That is not good. It is not however the end of the world. I have done my shopping so I am now prepared for the week ahead. I do have my brother’s birthday dinner tonight (Thai feast) and whilst I will no doubt still go over my calories at least i won’t be drinking so that will save some. I wont beat myself up though. I know that is the last big social function for a while. I’m going to take this round 1 week at a time (perhaps even one day at a time). I’ve been doing my preseason tasks today to get my head ready.  I am going to give it my all. I’m reposting my commitment here to keep me accountable to you the lovely people who take the time to read my ramblings: My commitment is to give this round my all. No slacking off and allowing bad habits (and chocolate binges) to creep back in. I’m committed to keeping up with my running and to running 10km regularly by the end of the round. Whilst doing that I will lose 8-10kgs

I’ve redone my goals too:

During the next month I will:

Lose 2.6kg
Complete the Sydney Glow Run
Run 8km non stop

and over the course of the next 12 weeks I will:

run 10km without stopping and compete in Melbourne Marathon Festival in 10km event
Lose 8kg
Compete in RAW Challenge

It all begins again now and again every morning I am blessed enough to open my eyes.

I want to earn the faith my friends and family have shown in me. For my birthday my beautiful friends got me a session with a stylist, (including 2 hours of shopping and some vouchers to pay for my new wardrobe!) and a bottle of Moet to toast the occasion – an absolutely perfect gift. My wonderful family got my some http://www.redballoon.com.au vouchers so I can do something really memorable, and a fabulous “Love Life” photo collage frame so I can celebrate my achievements and the events I am entering. I am truly grateful to have these amazing people in my life. Without them I would be nowhere.

I absolutely adore this Leona Edmiston dress. I felt a million dollars!

I absolutely adore this Leona Edmiston dress. I felt a million dollars!

Kazbah bombe

Dexa Scan Results at halfway

Today I went for my second Dexa scan of this journey at Measure Up in Sydney (www.measureup.com.au) . Some of you may remember when I went for my original scan back in January. It was a traumatic experience with horrendous results and I was in tears. I did however manage to walk back home from the appointment in the city and it took me almost an hour and a half. You can read about the full experience here: https://searchtofindrealpj.wordpress.com/2013/01/11/a-different-kind-of-before-photo/ if you are interested.

Today though I was actually looking forward to the scan results. I wanted to see how I was going. One of the dangers of doing a low calorie program like 12WBT is that you can actually start losing muscle instead of fat. (1200 cals a day is considered low). I wanted to make sure I was losing fat.

So I was feeling kind of positive as I climbed up onto the scanning bed. This time as the Michellin man image started to appear, the old image was beside it, and whilst I still look humongous, I could already see that there was a lot less of me than in the previous image. Then came the results. Since my last scan (taken at the end of warm up for round 1) I have lost 19.4kgs. Of that 19.4kg, 16.9kg of it was FAT! Thats almost 17kg of fat gone from my body. That is the same as the average weight of a 4 year old! I’m thrilled 🙂 in addition to that I have only lost 2.5kg of muscle. I still have over 45kg of muscle so apparently that small loss is no big deal. My consultant was thrilled. So much so they’ve asked if I will be “scan of the month” for their facebook page to inspire other people. I’m a bit chuffed 🙂

Here is a comparison of the two scans:

Scan from Jan on left, Aug on right, 19.4kg lighter, 16.9kg fat gone forever

19.4kg lighter, 16.9kg fat gone forever Yellow is fat, red is lean muscle mass and blue is bone

 

There is still too much fat there. I am still made up of 29.5kg of fat or 38% of my body weight. I need to get that down under 25%. But whereas my last scan recommendation was to lose 24-27kg of fat, (a HUGELY daunting number) this scan the recommendation is to lose 9-10kg of fat. That seems highly achievable!

After the end of the scan i didn’t just walk home. I RAN home. in under 45 minutes. Almost half the time of that depressing walk in January. I love this scan because it really shows how this is assisting my health. I’m going to take a copy to my doctor this afternoon and I know she will be pleased. I’m looking forward to having another one done in January when hopefully I will be down to healthy levels!

Too much of a good thing

The view from the top of St Pauls in London

The view from the top of St Pauls in London

Marching with the Grenadier Guard Band

Marching with the Grenadier Guard Band

View from the top of the tallest tower while walking the walls of Dubrovnik

View from the top of the tallest tower while walking the walls of Dubrovnik

with my gorgeous friends at the "Big waterfall" in Plitvice National Park

with my gorgeous friends at the “Big waterfall” in Plitvice National Park

I’m currently halfway through my travels and have been having a fantastic time. I managed to keep things pretty well balanced while I was in London I believe – I kept up my morning training with pushups, situps, squats, and biceps ticeps and spent my days walking, exploring the city and climbing everything in sight – including all 500 steps in St Paul’s Cathedral. I was really pleased to be able to do it all with no ill effects – no jelly legs after the steps, no having to stop to catch my breath etc. Sure my feet hurt by the end of the day but I was able to do so much more than I have done on previous holidays thanks to my improved fitness. In the evenings I enjoyed socialising with the friend I was staying with, enjoying a couple of drinks and a nice meal guilt free.

Once I met up with my Sydney friends and joined the tour for Slovenia, Croatia and Bosnia though the balance went out the window. Here I was with my old drinking buddies. We hadn’t seen each other for 6 months so the first thing we did was go out for a drink and a nice meal… and I feel like we haven’t stopped since! In no way am I blaming my friends for this – each one of us has been living a much healthier lifestyle prior to this trip but it seemed once we got together it all went out the window. It has been great to see them though, and they did notice my weight loss which really felt great. I feel like I have put on weight this week though. Hard to tell exactly without scales but I just don’t feel as light as I used to.

Partly I think it has to do with the style of tour we are on. Usually if I do a tour, I do a small group one which utilises local transport and involves a lot more walking and carrying of your own bags. This trip though is a larger one, with it’s own coach. Bags are picked up from your hotel room and delivered to the room in the next hotel. The bus picks you up at the hotel door and drops you off at your next location. Yes there is a walking tour in each city for about an hour, (not fast walking at all though and a lot of standing around – a good pace for the majority of the tour who seem aged 60+) and yes I have managed to do some walking in our “free time” but it’s still been way more sitting than moving. I’m actually missing exercise. I even found myself doing planks on a bench while we had a toilt break at a service station yesterday!

Food wise we have been trying all the local cuisines – very heavy on the meat, breads etc and very light on the vegetables.All washed down with copious amounts of the local vino. I think I’m drinking less than I have on previous trips – 2-3 glasses most days but its still a LOT. We are all craving veggies. Last night we went to a restaurant recommended to us by a taxi driver that serves traditional Slovenian cuisine and for the first time we had veggies that weren’t massively over cooked or drowning in butter. It was heaven!!! I’m really missing eating clean, as much as I am enjoying the new taste sensations I’m experiencing.

The tour finished yesterday so my friends and I headed up to Lake Bled. On a gorgeous spring day we were able to do a bit of walking in the fresh air including a 20 minute climb up some stairs in the side of a mountain to view a gorgeous waterfall. It felt good to move again although I’m disappointed that I seem to have lost a bit of fitness as my hips are a bit achy this evening. We had a very late lunch so have opted to skip dinner tonight. We are still meeting for farewell drinks though. I think having a stomach that isn’t overly stuffed for a change will be great. I’m not worried about drinking tonight as it is the last time I will see these girls for a while and I head to Morocco tomorrow. I’m not anticipating drinking much at all there especially as I don’t know anyone else on the tour. Hopefully the food there will be more focussed on veggies and a little less oily too.

Travelling really does make me realise how lucky I am. My tour passed through some of Bosnia and Herzegovina and the effects of the war there are still so evident. There are houses that are still in ruins – their occupants have not returned. Other homes have had the internals parts and roof restored but the external walls still have missing render and holes where they have been sprayed with bullets and shrapnel. These families were able to return home but have not had the money to restore the outside of their homes (government and aid paid for essential repairs only). Some homes have been restored completely and repinted in an effort to move on with life but the devastation is still evident. Cemeteries are filled with gravestones of those that died in 1991 – 1995. So many cut short in the prime of life – late teens to early 30s. They had no chance to live long healthy lives. It makes me appreciate what I have –  a home in a country that i love where I don’t live in fear and have never known war in my homeland; a body which while yes overweight, is still healthy and intact and able to take me into a healthier future; the opportunity to make the most of my life; and the financial ability to travel and see sights which both amaze and move me. I am indeed lucky.

I have 2 weeks before I head home. I’m hoping I can move more and eat / drink less in the next 2 weeks. I’m having a great time but missing my new home lifestyle.